My Continuing Journey of Self-Discovery

I have embarked on a new path on my journey of self-discovery. I have decided to start journaling about it in case what I learn along the way is of use to others.

If I feel that this journal of self discovery will be useful to others, I’ll come back later on and edit in pictures, headlines, etc.

For now, I just want to ensure that I get my thoughts down as the process happens. I know it will otherwise be difficult to remember back to what happened and how I felt along the way.

So first, I’ll just explain what in the immediate past has got me to the moment where I am now:

Just over two years ago, my wife, who I’d been with at the time for just over 13 years, ended our romantic relationship. That has been a huge thing for me to learn to accept, as I thought of her (and sometimes still do) as my soulmate. Not that I believe in a spiritual realm, but I did think that in many ways she completed me, as the relationship cliche goes, and I have had to learn to accept life without her.

As we bought bitcoin early in its existence and it had a meteoric rise in 2017, I was able to let go of paid work around July of 2017, about the same time as I moved out of our family home.

I was at the time about a quarter of the way through 2 years of an Honours “year” (2 years part-time) in psychology. As I have and home school the kids 50% of the time and was studying the other 50% of the time, that took up all of my “work time”.

During the summer holidays from university in early 2018 I went to New York City and met Keith Malley and Chemda Hennessey of Keith and the Girl, a podcast I’ve listened to nearly every day for the past 13 years.

When I came back home, I started feeling a general malaise about my Honours Thesis, which I was to write in 2018. I was no longer interested in a career in clinical psychology, and was not really interested in the topic I ended up with for my Honours Thesis either. While still very interested in psychology as a topic, I had pretty well lost interest in it as a career path.

This left me feeling directionless and I slipped into depression for a few months. I spent a lot of time in bed on days I didn’t have the kids.

I ended up joining an improv troupe called Big Fork Theatre, as Keith and the Girl had sparked quite the interest in comedy for me. I had previously taken a standup comedy course and done somewhere between 15-20 open mic spots over the course of a year a few years prior. But I didn’t feel I had time to write standup material while simultaneously working on my Honours Thesis, so I took up improv instead while I finished my thesis.

I ended up getting drawn back into standup anyway because fellow improv people were in it and I felt drawn to speak onstage. I came up with a five-minute set that I did over and over while still working on my thesis, thinking I’d find time to write new standup when I finished my thesis.

However, it is now about 9 months after I finished my thesis, and I have not really written anything new.

Feeling directionless again, I scheduled a free trial coaching session with Elissa Freeman. The homework she set for me after that session led to an epiphany: I wasn’t inspired to write standup because the message is more important to me than being funny.

I still lack real direction as I feel like I’m a preacher without a message.

So I’ve begun paid coaching sessions with Elissa.

I’m in the midst of the homework that has been set for me to complete before our first paid session. So far what I have come to is that what I want out of life is to be content and to know my values so well that I can enjoy each moment doing the things that I want to do, so confident that I’m spending my time in the way most fulfilling to me that I can experience the present moment rather than get caught up in the past or the future.

I just read a Blinkist book summary on the book “Why Buddhism is True” and it reminded me of the importance of mindfulness meditation practice to being able to be mindful in each moment so that I can experience that true contentment. So before I get back to the homework I’ve been set by Elissa, I’m going to do ten minutes of meditation through the Headspace app.

Away I go… !!!

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